Let me tell you one thing,
Customers never know.
After working here for two weeks, I can’t tip poorly. I tip 30 – 40%, unless the waiter or waitress is being deliberately bad. There’s too much going on that you don’t know about. I hear it all the time, “leave it at the front door, leave it at home, don’t take your problems to work.”
But that’s fucking impossible.
That’s naive. Few people are capable of doing that. You can’t seriously expect anyone to do that. Especially when they have to deal with the shit lord self entitled dipshits that make up majority of customers. Shit lord dipshits don’t have the fucking empathy to know what someone else is going through. They don’t know a god damn thing about human nature, about anything outside of the fact their fucking tummy is fucking hungry and they need to gorge to fill that fucking endless sarlacc pit.
They don’t know what their waiter is going through.
They don’t know that he was just standing in the parking lot 10 minutes before his shift started. In the parking lot on the phone with their fiancé trying to salvage their relationship as it crumbles apart because she “just doesn’t feel the same anymore,” even though two weeks ago she was begging for him to stay on the phone forever and never leave ever but who cares whatever people fucking change that’s life or something one door closes another opens into a pit of snakes yeah fun we all win.
But God is evil. And it wasn’t enough that they got dumped.
They had to stumble inside to work and put on a smile and give you your mediocre food and then you have the audacity to tell them that it isn’t good enough or “they don’t look happy enough” or they’re not making you feel welcome enough and fuck you it’s fucking impossible for me to do that I can’t do that — I have to act like I like you so you’ll give me money and I know I don’t look like I want to be here and it’s true I don’t want to be here because I want to be at home sobbing in my bed trying to rethink my life because getting dumped by your fiancé 10 minutes ago before you head into work is a really hard thing to bounce back from so I don’t know I think I’m justified in looking a little sad but I can’t tell you all of this because you just want food and you don’t give a fuck about anything else.
I try to explain it to the hostesses and they don’t care no one cares. I ask Justin if he wants to hangout and he makes a face of disgust and says he can’t. I close that night and drive home hoping a semi will sweep my car up like dust to the wind and the I can just die on impact or burn there in the street, I don’t care. But I make it home and I lay in bed and try to go to sleep and I can’t at all and I have no one to talk to because I dropped everyone because I thought I’d be moving to her but I’m not now and I have no one to talk to and I can’t cry because then I’ll just pity myself and eventually I do fall asleep.
I dream of her looking at me confused asking me why I’m here what am I doing here and I have nothing to say. We just stare at each other like planets crossing by on their orbits, they only see each other from far away, always appearing as little specs of light in the night. Up close and the illusion is lifted. They’re just another planet all littered and cratered. But it doesn’t dispel the beauty. It doesn’t take away from it. It only adds to it. Because finally, in the sea of stars and the planets pretending to be just another star in the sky, you’re close enough to see one is just like you. Flaws and all.
And then gravity pulls you two away. Sending you back off behind the sun, appearing to each other as nothing but lights in the sky, praying you’ll look the right way the next time you cross paths.
I wake up tired.
I head to work. Where I’m tipped 5% on majority of my tables.
I go out to eat that night and my waiter for the most part leaves me alone and I tip him 30% and go home.
Sorry. That’s really all that’s going on right now.
Hope things are better with you,