I’ll tell you one dream. I imagined I wrote it to her, your sister, it was just easier that way.
I’m sorry if this is a little much for you, but you asked for it:
I was outside my old house that I took you to. The one where I lived with my mom for my last year of high school.
I walked outside and my brother and your brother (that’s you, V.) were riding together in my brother’s truck. They insisted I get in and I did. Your brother explained at length how they had just moved here due to some European war. It was convincing and I was convinced and I believed him and didn’t ask why he chose this town over any other. Or why no one told me. Or anything.
But we drove out of my neighborhood and got on the highway that cut across the plains like a giant black scar pitted between dirt like scar tissue and the sun sank below the horizon as if someone far out of sight was pulling it down with a string.
A new housing development, your brother said.
We pulled into a neighborhood.
He got out and opened my door and I looked at my brother and my brother told me that he’d come pick me up later tonight or tomorrow morning or, never. I said cool and hopped out and me and your brother went into your new house.
He had me take off my shoes and we went into the living room where your mom watched television. I couldn’t understand it. It wasn’t in any language at all. Just murmurs. Your mom’s face was blurred as if some tear shaped form of water hung in front of her face. I couldn’t see the details clearly but I could tell when she was looking at me.
She asked how I was and I said fine.
She looked concerned. She asked how I was again and I said fine. She nodded. I felt, but didn’t see her eyes trying to pry me open.
Your brother grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the kitchen and he made himself a sandwich. He asked if I wanted anything and I told him that I shouldn’t be eating right now. He didn’t ask why and he ate slow like the meal was something he looked forward to. When he finished he pulled me along again and this time we went up stairs. I felt like a rag-doll along for the ride.
The stairs winded up like a corkscrew and your brother pulled me along quickly and I almost fell down a few times but I kept up alright. At the landing on the second floor I saw your door crackedopen just slightly and the light poured out from the crack making a scalene triangle with the point pointing towards me and your brother. I heard you sing and my heart moved itself into my mouth and I couldn’t breath because lumps began growing in my throat and my lungs felt too thin like they were going to pop and collapse like balloons. Blood swirled in my head.
your brother grabbed me and pulled me along up the stairs to a closet and he stepped inside it for a moment and came out with a sling shot and pulled me back down the stairs to the landing where he readied his sling shot with some lego piece and aimed it at your room.
I realized what he was doing and I quickly walked to what I think was his room and I sat on his bed and rubbed my temples with my head in my knees. I heard your shout and scream playfully and your brother came into the room and hid himself behind the door and you came in quickly and smiling and stopped dead when you saw me and your brother came out from behind the door and pushed you further into the room and then he stepped out of the room and closed the door and you tried to open it and it wouldn’t budge and then you turned around.
We stared at each other for a time. Well, you looked at me. I looked everywhere else.
And then you came and stood by the bed and looked at me with deep concern your eyes wide and then you slowly walked towards me and I backed away and onto the bed and I told you to
and you kept coming closer and you were ignoring me and you crawled on the bed and I was up against the wall crying and I felt weak and embarrassed and I felt your arms wrap around me and I felt like a child and I placed my head on your shoulder and you told me you were sorry and we started kissing and I closed my eyes and fell into it.
A wash of purple came over me. I was in a strange ocean and I floated suspended in the color as it swam in front of me and I felt serene and at peace. I opened my eyes and you were there waiting for me and we kissed again and I was back at that place and also there with you and I could feel my troubles fade and then I opened my eyes again and–
I was in my room. The ceiling fan made droned and thudded in a slow rhythm.
I looked at my clock.
It said 8:34 a.m.
I rolled over and slept till noon.
Nothing else to report on my end. Just going to work everyday in this dead town. How is Europe?