“Why are you so tired all the time lately?” His friend asked.
He turned his head to him, his eyelids shrouded in black, his eyes glossed over, “I don’t know.”
“Well cut it out!” He laughed.
The man sighed and looked back on to his computer. He knew why. He didn’t feel like talking about it because he knew that route. It wouldn’t solve anything. Getting things off your chest simply doesn’t help him. It makes it worse.
He also knew all that any sympathy or “empathy” shown would be an act. So what was the point? And it was over a girl. Guys never get hung up on girls anymore. Dudes aren’t fragile these days. Only the losers are.
He looked onto his computer and surfed around youtube. He played songs with album covers and would just stare and imagine himself playing the songs and being set free.
What’s the point? Why am I still alive? No. Don’t think like that.
He couldn’t stop his mind from wondering.
If I went home tonight and killed myself they would have to clean out my room. I would be killing myself over a stupid reason. She loves me but doesn’t want to be with me. That’s enough to set this off. That’s enough for me to see through the “illusion of life.” What’s the point of life is love isn’t happening?
He thought about what she was doing and wanted to cry out, but couldn’t, because he can’t cry.
“Hey, you alright?” His boss asked.
He looked up with his eyes and met his boss’s. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
He felt annoyed but quelled it, “yeah I’m sure, just tired.”
“Okay.” His boss’s eyes looked skeptical.
He knows I’m lying.
He would drive home in his car with no A/C in 100 degree weather and would sweat too much into his shirt and would feel dehydrated and would stumble into his room and strip down to his underwear and would spin a record and lay in bed and stare at the ceiling.
He looked at the alcohol that sat on his bookshelf.
Don’t do it. You’ll go too far. Music. That’s all I need. But she’s not feeling like this. What’s the point? What’s the point? What’s the point? What’s the point?
He didn’t move for 6 hours. He might as well have died. He sure did want to.